you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
