There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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