also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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