She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
