I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize