She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
