did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
