i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
