I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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