I hate your face
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
I'm really busy with my period
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