On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
