ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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