Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
