also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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