Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
