I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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