i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just invented taco cereal.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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