I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
