Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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