One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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