I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
