"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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