hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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