Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
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He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
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When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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