Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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