You're my little dorito
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
