literally had 100 drinks last night.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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