Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
