she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
