worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
