My liver just broke up with me...
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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