Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Still dying that you shit outside
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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