I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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