youre lurking in front of me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
