You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
