he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
