Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
