A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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