Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
