You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
