...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
