well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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