And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
