I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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