Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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