I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
