how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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