im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
