rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
