So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
