Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
