Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
