you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
