i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
