Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
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You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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