Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
