After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
