My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
