in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
