i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize