Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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