let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
