i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
