I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
